Women Wasting Water

The Daily Mail and the Daily Telegraph, two newspapers that have long been seen to cater to the ignorant, misogynist, homophobic and “I’m-not-racist-but” population of the UK, have both published a story blaming women for a huge amount of water wastage on our little island.

“WOMEN WASTE 50 BILLION LITRES OF WATER SHAVING THEIR LEGS IN THE SHOWER” boom the headlines.

This has, unsurprisingly, sparked a bit of outrage from people with two brain cells to rub together. What, women of the Twittersphere have asked, do they want women to do? NOT shave their legs? Fantastic, I’ll gladly stop running mini knives across my skin – but then I run the risk of being called “prickly” as model Irina Shayk was in this idiotic article, for having the nerve to set foot outside her door unshaven. She is, after all, supposed to be a flawless coat-hanger.

If put in a less callous, stupid, Telegraph/Mail-esque way, they have a point.  Anyone shaving their legs should probably switch off the water and turn it back on for rinsing – my parents even insisted we do so while shampooing (they are quite militant when it comes to water usage.) Thames Water spokesman Simon Evans even made the point that the plea was not for women to stop shaving, but to do so in a “water-conscious” way.

But blaming women is ridiculous one-sided agenda pushing, probably from the same back catalogue of femi-sabotage that chose Sarah Palin as a representative of anyone with a vagina.

Question: has anyone calculated the number of litres of water wasted while men are pursuing their ‘activities’ in the shower? I think you know the activities to which I am referring. I searched for those figures – and bear in mind I have no idea how to delete my now bizarre Google history – and they are unavailable.  Somebody make THOSE calculations, if you please.

It seems unfair to report the figures of water-wastage in such gender-specific terms, given that a) not only women shave their legs; many male athletes and body-builders do as well, so as to be faster, more comfortable in physical therapy or to show off their muscle definition; and b) women are unequivocally expected to shave. It’s socially embarrassing not to. My chances of getting a promotion while visibly sporting leg frizz are exactly zilch, unless the executive title I’m coveting includes the word ‘Yeti’.

A man’s water-wasting activities don’t follow him around in a visible way throughout the day – I have to either shave or cover up, yet no one in their right mind would shame, embarrass, laugh at or snap photos of a man who clearly hasn’t had a wank that morning. That would be impolite.

However, as someone who turns the water off while brushing her teeth, shampooing her hair and jumps straight under the cold water and waits for it to warm up through gritted teeth, I see no harm in pointing out that everyone should do the same – whatever your shower activity.

But asking women to take the fall for the colossal water wastage on this island? Really?

Fine. We’ll take the blame – after all, it’s not as if men have ruled the world since the dawn of time, inventing factories, cars, air travel, unlimited running water and all manner of technology – indeed, invented pollution. It’s not as if global warming and energy wastage has been politically shelved time after time by the patriarchal political powers of the planet, ignoring and suppressing project after campaign after movement towards a greener existence.

It’s clearly your fault, ladies. Bow your heads in shame, you silky-smooth bitches.